When I was in preschool, there was a song we would sing in our class and although I don’t remember the name of it, the tune would be sung as follows:
“Ickity Bickity Bumble Bee won’t you say your name for me?”
The song would be sung in a circle with everyone sitting criss cross apple sauce and each child would go in a circle and say their name as the song with be sung. When it was my turn, the group sang the line:
“Ickity Bickity Bumble Bee won’t you say your name for me?”
To which I responded with:
“FJ Murphy Funeral Home”
Although at that time I did not understand how jarring it may be for a preschool teacher to hear one of her students using the term “funeral home” as an identifier I do believe they gave me a pass seeing my father was one of the few city funeral directors. I spent a lot of time with my father and I often only hear my last name when my dad would say “Good morning/afternoon/evening Murphy Funeral Home. How can I help you?”.
When I eulogized my father, I remember speaking about how my father was born to be a funeral director. In fact, I remember saying it was like God himself chose my father, as his son, to be the embodiment of what it meant to be a funeral director. When I think of a funeral director, I don’t think of a cold handed waxy looking man speaking in a monotone voice, I instead think of someone who knew how to give a soft smile and sense of comfort to anyone in their time of grief. Often not knowing what to say, but instead knowing how to listen and hold space in a room with those in mourning. His authenticity in how caring he was came from a place of how much he loved people and the relationships he had with them. I believe one of his favorite parts of his work was being able to connect with so many people and he found meaning in bringing comfort during these times of sorrow. These qualities he carried throughout his life are some of the ones I wish to emulate in mine both personally and professionally.
I begin this article with talking about my father titled “Till Death Does Me Part” in reference to vows that are often made during holy matrimony. Tomorrow, I am going to be receiving a sacrament of sorts in being sworn in as the fifth generation of Licensed Funeral Directors and Embalmers in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts Truthfully, I could not be more proud for finally reaching this dream of mine. It feels weird to think that this is finally coming together after all of this time and effort and I could not be more thankful for being able to continue the legacy set before me. I don’t take this privilege lightly by any means and understanding the responsibility I have to continue things in the right path. There are so many people to acknowledge and thank for what they have done for me in order to get to this point. Co-workers, colleagues, and friends have all been a part of it but for now to save some words I want to acknowledge three people specifically.
To my father, I thank you for imparting your wisdom on me one way or another. Although there have been plenty of times of “Do as I say, not as a do” when talking about not working too much or making sure to call home if your running late, your kindness and warmth you gave to others made such a difference on me as a child growing up and working alongside you with people during such a trying time. I wish you could be here with me seeing how far I’ve come, how I’ve taken the lessons you taught me and even experience a few on my own. I’ve made choices, gotten burned, learned from them, and didn’t let it ruin me. I stayed true to myself like you always said to do. Thank you for being the best father that I could have ever asked for and could have needed.
To my mother: I don’t think anyone on this planet knows the things you’ve done for others around you and even if they did I don’t think they would believe one person could have done all of that and still be standing. I can’t thank you enough for all of the sacrifices you have made to continue this tradition of a family business alive after dad passed away. I know there are plenty of days that are stressful and feel like we’re on a learning curve but because of you we’ve been able to help so many families. Because of you, we’ve been able to to help parents say by to their children, children say bye to their parents, friends seeing friends for the last time, and so on. Not a lot of people see the things you do behind the scene and but I see it everyday. This place doesn’t work without you and I am proud to be your son and be by your side taking the funeral home into the next generation.
To my wife: I don’t think this is what you signed up for when we first met. It wasn’t until a few months into our relationship when you said to me I needed to go back. If we could go back in time, I’m not sure if you wouldn’t have stopped yourself from saying those words, but knowing you and how selfless you are I know you wouldn’t have changed a thing.
I want to acknowledge how truly selfless you are and how I would not have been able to do the things I do if it wasn’t for your strength and support. While we brought home our first born, I was getting ready to start school and over the course of the next few years I would find myself needing to find pockets of time for studying while getting called into work at ungodly hours of the day and night. Christmas, birthdays, vacations, laboring, no day was immune to being called on and you and I both know I answered every single one. Everyone mentions how hard it must be to do the work I do but I don’t think it holds a candle to what you’ve done for our family. I hope you know for every call that takes me away from you and the kids I’m speeding home to you every chance I get. I can’t thank you enough for all that you do for us.
Big love for you always.
I am so grateful to be able to be doing the job I do. I know how lucky I am to find meaning in my job and to be called to a profession where I have the privilege to connect with so many people. I promise to show up everyday for anyone who calls onto me and to uphold this legacy of service above self.
-FJM
5th Gen